Month: December 2021

During the first year of life, naps are crucial for babies (who simply cannot stay awake for more than a couple of hours at a time), and crucial for parents and caregivers, who need breaks from the hard work of caring for an infant.

But as children become toddlers and preschoolers, naps aren’t always straightforward. Children often fight them (following the “you snooze you lose” philosophy), and they can conflict with daily tasks (such as school pick-up when there are older siblings) or lead to late bedtimes.

Here are some tips for making naps work for you and your child — and for knowing when they aren’t needed anymore.

Making naps work for your baby

Most infants will take at least two naps during the day, and early in toddlerhood most children will still take both a morning nap and an afternoon nap. Naps are important not just for physical rest and better moods, but also for learning: sleep allows us to consolidate new information. As children get older, they usually drop one of the naps, most commonly the morning nap.

Every child is different when it comes to napping. Some need long naps, some do fine with catnaps, some will give up naps earlier than others. Even within the same family, children can be different. A big part of making naps work is listening to and learning about your child’s temperament and needs. Otherwise, you can end up fighting losing battles.

The needs of a parent or caregiver are also important: everyone needs a break. Sometimes those breaks are particularly useful at specific times of the day (like meal prep time). While you can’t always make a child be sleepy at the most convenient time for you, it’s worth a try — which leads me to the first tip:

Schedule the naps. Instead of waiting for a child to literally drop and fall asleep, have a regular naptime. We all do better when our sleep routines are regular, even adults. If you can, put the child down awake (or partially awake). Learning to fall asleep without a bottle or a breast, or without being held, is a helpful skill for children to learn and can lead to better sleep habits as they grow.

A couple of scheduling notes:

• If you need a child to fall asleep earlier or later than they seem to do naturally, try to adjust the previous sleep time. For example, if you need an earlier morning nap, wake the child up earlier in the morning. It may not work, but it’s worth a try.
• Naps later in the afternoon often mean that a child won’t be sleepy until later in the evening. That may not be a problem, but for parents who get tired early or need to get up early, it can be. Try to move the nap earlier, or wake the child earlier. If the problematic afternoon nap is in daycare, talk to the daycare provider about moving or shortening it.

Create a space that’s conducive to sleep. Some children can sleep anywhere and through anything, but most do best with a space that is quiet and dark. A white noise machine (or even just a fan) can also be helpful.

Don’t use screens before naptime or bedtime. The blue light emitted by computers, tablets, and phones can wake up the brain and make it harder for children to fall asleep.

When is it time to give up naps?

Most children give up naps between the ages of 3 and 5. If a child can stay up and be pleasant and engaged throughout the afternoon, they are likely ready to stop. Some crankiness in the late afternoon and early evening is okay; you can always just get them to bed earlier.

One way to figure it out, and ease the transition, is to keep having “quiet time” in the afternoon. Have the child go to bed, but don’t insist on sleep; let them look at books or play quietly. If they stay awake, that’s a sign that they are ready to stop. If they fall asleep but then end up staying up very late, that’s another sign that the afternoon nap needs to go.

Whether or not your child naps, having some quiet time without screens every afternoon is a good habit to get into. It gives your child and everyone else a chance to relax and unwind, and sets a placeholder not just for homework but also for general downtime as children grow — and just like naps for babies, downtime for big kids is crucial.

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Last winter, my wife shooed the dog and visiting toddlers away from our poinsettia plants, saying "they’re poisonous, you know."

I did not know. But it turns out that the belief that poinsettias are deadly is widespread. The same could be said for mistletoe and holly. But are their reputations for danger well-deserved? Since these plants are especially popular to brighten up homes or give as gifts during the holidays, I decided to look into it.

The risks of poinsettia

Could a plant so common and so well-liked in the winter holidays also be so dangerous? If it is dangerous, what problems does it cause? Must it be eaten to cause problems, or is it harmful to just be nearby? And if it’s not dangerous, why does the myth live on?

The answers to these questions are not easy to find. In fact, the bad reputation may have started in 1919, when an army officer’s child reportedly died after eating part of a poinsettia plant. It is unclear if the plant was responsible, though: many other reports describe mild symptoms, such as nausea or vomiting, but no deaths.

Decades ago, a study in the American Journal of Emergency Medicine analyzed nearly 23,000 cases of people eating poinsettia and found

• no fatalities
• nearly all cases (96%) required no treatment outside the home
• most cases (92%) developed no symptoms at all.

According to one estimate, a 50-pound child would have to eat more than 500 poinsettia leaves to approach a dose that could cause trouble. Similarly, pets may develop gastrointestinal symptoms after eating poinsettia, but these plants pose no major threat to animals.

The risks of mistletoe

The story is much the same for mistletoe. It’s not particularly dangerous, but may cause an upset stomach if eaten. In fact, mistletoe has been used for centuries as a remedy for arthritis, high blood pressure, infertility, and headache. The evidence isn’t high-quality for any of these uses, though.

Interest also centers on this plant’s potential as an anticancer treatment. Some extracts of mistletoe contain chemicals shown to kill cancer cells in the laboratory and to stimulate human immune cells. For example, a substance called alkaloids has similar properties as certain chemotherapy drugs used in the past to fight leukemia and other forms of cancer. However, a two-part 2019 review found that adding mistletoe extracts to conventional cancer treatments did not improve survival or quality of life.

No one suggests it's a good idea to eat this plant, accidentally or otherwise. But eating one to three berries or one or two leaves is unlikely to cause serious illness, according to the authors of a 1986 review of multiple studies. And no significant symptoms or deaths were described in one report of more than 300 cases of eating mistletoe. However, some sources warn that serious problems or even death may occur if enough is ingested. The specific dose required to cause death is unknown but, fortunately, it appears to be so high that consuming enough to be lethal is extremely rare.

The risks of holly

This plant can be dangerous to people and pets. The berries of holly plants are poisonous. If eaten, they may cause crampy abdominal pain, drowsiness, vomiting, and diarrhea. While no one would recommend eating holly, it is unlikely to cause death. And for at least one type of holly, knowing the Latin name would be enough to discourage ingestion: the yaupon holly is also called Ilex vomitoria.

The bottom line

No one should eat poinsettias, mistletoe, and holly, but if small amounts are consumed, they are unlikely to cause serious illness. It seems to me that the dangers of these plants appear to be vastly overestimated.

Perhaps the most dangerous thing about mistletoe and poinsettias is the choking hazard the berries pose for young kids, although that risk is not unique to plants: any small object poses similar risks. Try to keep holiday plants out of the reach of small children and pets. And keep in mind that berries may fall from these plants and wind up on the floor.

If a child or pet eats leaves or berries from these holiday plants, or any other plants, check in with poison control, your pediatrician, or your veterinarian. But unless a particularly large "dose" is consumed, don’t be surprised if the recommendation is to simply watch and wait.

Still concerned even if you know the risks are low? You can always regift holiday plants you receive to friends with no children or pets, or find other ways to decorate your home for the holidays.

If you have trouble losing weight despite your best efforts, this is because obesity is a complex disease with many causes. A family history of weight issues can make it more likely that you’ll have the same issues managing your weight. A diet high in ultra-processed foods, sugar, and fat and being sedentary also contribute to weight gain. Stress and struggles with mental health, including medications to treat certain mental health conditions, poor sleep, and hormonal changes, are all factors that further contribute to weight gain.

There are many ways to combat excess weight, but there is no single solution. If you are trying to lose or maintain your weight, you may want to try yoga. There is good research that yoga may help you manage stress, improve your mood, curb emotional eating, and create a community of support, all of which can help with weight loss and maintenance.

Yoga can also help you burn calories, as well as increase your muscle mass and tone. Yoga may reduce joint pain, which in turn allows you to exercise more and increase your daily activities. These are only some of the many benefits of yoga.

Yoga can help you manage stress that can impact weight gain

Yoga is derived from the Sanskrit word yuj, which means to unite the body, mind, and emotions. It is a holistic mind-body practice that improves many of the causes of weight gain.

Some people may experience stress as physical pain or sleep deprivation, or it may be psychological and cause feelings of anxiety and agitation. Stress leads to an increase in the hormone cortisol. Cortisol increases abdominal fat, decreases muscle mass, causes cravings for fat and sugar-rich food, and thus can lead to obesity.

Yoga can decrease stress and cortisol levels, enhance mood, decrease anxiety and depression, improve sleep, and improve chronic conditions such as hypertension and diabetes, reducing the need for medications that can cause weight gain.

Yoga is not a band-aid for excess weight, but it may work on the underlying causes. Its benefits extend beyond the calories-in-versus-calories-out equation.

Yoga can improve mindfulness related to eating behaviors

Most of us who crave ice cream after 9 pm or can’t stop eating potato chips know that these behaviors hurt our chances of losing weight. We all know that eating vegetables, whole grains, lean protein, etc. is good for our health and weight. While this knowledge is necessary, it seems insufficient to help us stick to our healthy eating plans.

One of yoga’s benefits is that it improves mindfulness of the body and awareness of body sensations. This is why yoga is called “moving meditation.” Research shows that you don’t have to do any formal sitting meditation to get the mindfulness benefits of yoga.

By improving mindfulness, yoga decreases emotional eating, stress eating, and binge eating. These habits sabotage our weight loss efforts and can cause a negative spiral of guilt and shame, which often leads to giving up.

A study published in 2015 showed that practicing yoga led to healthier eating, including lower fat intake and an increase in vegetables and whole grains.

The bottom line: the best diet plan is the one that you can stick with over the long term, and by improving mindfulness, yoga can help you make healthier food choices.

A yoga community can provide acceptance and support

Going to a gym can be intimidating, and may provoke feelings of not belonging for some people with larger bodies. By contrast, yoga culture embodies kindness, support, and self-acceptance.

Yoga teachers and advanced practitioners can serve as role models and inspire newer students to live a healthier lifestyle. Research shows that social networks influence behaviors that affect weight. The yoga network encourages positive health behaviors, and being a part of such a community can make a meaningful difference for weight loss. This type of community can be hard to find with other types of exercise.

Practitioners should look for a safe, comfortable environment. A welcoming yoga group may help you improve your self-esteem and confidence. Find a local studio that feels nurturing and not overwhelming, with other practitioners at your level. Teachers can help beginners or those with physical limitations by modifying poses. You might have to try a few different classes before you find an instructor or a class that you like. Don’t give up after the first one!

If you can’t find a local studio, there are always online options on YouTube and Instagram, with classes at all levels. There are instructors who understand what it is like to be a larger size, and having an inclusive, body-affirming attitude shows that yoga is not just for “skinny people.” Some share inspirational stories of how yoga helped them overcome their own weight struggles, depression, and binge eating. If you are a beginner, consider signing up for a short challenge to get committed to the practice.

The benefits of yoga are universal — no matter what your shape or size. It can take weeks or months to establish a yoga practice, and frequent practice is key for long-lasting benefits.

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That recurring sound that you hear but nobody else does? It’s not all in your head. Well, not exactly.

You may be one of the estimated 50 million-plus people who suffer from tinnitus. The mysterious condition causes a sound in the head with no external source. For many it’s a high-pitched ringing, while for others it’s whistling, whooshing, buzzing, chirping, hissing, humming, roaring, or even shrieking.

The sound may seem to come from one ear or both, from inside the head, or from a distance. It may be constant or intermittent, steady or pulsating. One approach to managing this condition is different forms of sound therapy intended to help people tune out the internal soundtrack of tinnitus.

What causes tinnitus?

There are many possible causes of tinnitus. Long-term exposure to loud noises is often blamed. But other sources include middle ear problems like an infection, a tumor or cyst pinching nerves in the ear, or something as simple as earwax buildup. Tinnitus also can be a symptom of Meniere’s disease, a disorder of the balance mechanism in the inner ear.

Even old-fashioned aging can lead to tinnitus, which is common in people older than age 55. As people get older, the auditory nerve connecting the ear to the brain starts to fray, diminishing normal sounds.

“Neurons (nerve cells) in areas of the brain that process sound make up for this loss of input by increasing their sensitivity,” says Daniel Polley, director of the Lauer Tinnitus Research Center at Harvard-affiliated Massachusetts Eye and Ear. “The sensitivity knobs are turned up so high that neurons begin to respond to the activity of other nearby neurons. This creates the perception of a sound that does not exist in the physical environment. It’s a classic example of a feedback loop, similar to the squeal of a microphone when it is too close to a speaker.”

At times, everyone experiences the perception of a phantom sound. If it only lasts for a few seconds or minutes, it’s nothing to worry about. However, if it pulsates in sync with your heart rate, it’s definitely something to get checked out by a physician, says Polley. If it’s a relatively continuous sound, you should see an audiologist or otolaryngologist (ears, nose, throat specialist).

Can sound therapy help tune out tinnitus?

There is no cure for tinnitus, but it can become less noticeable over time. Still, there are ways to ease symptoms and help tune out the noise and minimize its impact. Treatments are a trial-and-error approach, as they work for some people but not others.

One often-suggested strategy is sound therapy. It uses external noise to alter your perception of or reaction to tinnitus. Research suggests sound therapy can effectively suppress tinnitus in some people. Two common types of sound therapy are masking and habituation.

• Masking. This exposes a person to background noise, like white noise, nature sounds, or ambient sounds, to mask tinnitus noise or distract attention away from it. Listening to sound machines or music through headphones or other devices can offer temporary breaks from the perception of tinnitus. Household items like electric fans, radios, and TVs also can help. Many people with tinnitus also have some degree of hearing loss. Hearing aids can be used to mask tinnitus by turning up the volume on outside noises. This works especially well when hearing loss and tinnitus occur within the same frequency range, according to the American Tinnitus Association.
• Habituation. Also known as tinnitus retraining therapy, this process trains your brain to become more accustomed to tinnitus. Here, you listen to noise similar to your tinnitus sound for long periods. Eventually your brain ignores the tone, along with the tinnitus sound. It’s similar to how you eventually don’t think about how glasses feel on your nose. The therapy is done with guidance from a specialist and the time frame varies per person, usually anywhere from 12 to 24 months.

Additional approaches may help with tinnitus

Depending on your diagnosis, your doctor also may recommend addressing issues that could contribute to your tinnitus.

• Musculoskeletal factors. Jaw clenching, tooth grinding, prior injury, or muscle tension in the neck can sometimes make tinnitus more noticeable. If tight muscles are part of the problem, massage therapy may help relieve it.
• Underlying health conditions. You may be able to reduce the impact of tinnitus by treating conditions like depression, anxiety, and insomnia.
• Negative thinking. Adopting cognitive behavioral therapy and hypnosis to redirect negative thoughts and emotions linked to tinnitus may also help ease symptoms.
• Medication. Tinnitus can be a side effect of many medications, especially when taken at higher doses, like aspirin and other nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs and certain antidepressants. The problem often goes away when the drug is reduced or discontinued.

Prostatitis gets little press, but it’s a common inflammatory condition that accounts for more than two million visits to doctors’ offices in the United States every year. Some cases are caused by bacteria that can be readily detected and treated with antibiotics. But more than 90% of the time, prostatitis symptoms (which can include painful urination and ejaculation, pelvic pain, and sexual dysfunction) have no obvious cause. This is called chronic nonbacterial prostatitis/chronic pelvic pain syndrome, or CP/CPPS. The treatments are varied. Doctors sometimes start with antibiotics if the condition was preceded by a urinary tract infection. They may also recommend anti-inflammatory painkillers, stress-reduction techniques, pelvic floor exercises, and sometimes drugs such as alpha blockers, which relax tight muscles in the prostate and bladder.

Another treatment that can work for some men is acupuncture. A 2018 review article of three published studies found that acupuncture has the potential to reduce CP/CPPS symptoms without the side effects associated with drug treatments.

Now, results from a newly published clinical trial show symptom reductions from acupuncture are long-lasting. Published in the prestigious journal Annals of Internal Medicine, the findings provide encouraging news for CP/CPPS sufferers.

Acupuncture involves inserting single-use needles into “acupoints” at various locations in the body, and then manipulating them manually or with heat or electrical stimulation. During the study, researchers at ten institutions in China assigned 440 men with prostatitis to receive 20 sessions (across eight weeks) of either real acupuncture, or a control sham procedure wherein the needles are inserted away from traditional acupoints.

The researchers were medical doctors, but the treatments were administered by certified acupuncturists with five years of undergraduate education and at least two years of clinical experience. Treatment benefits were assessed using the National Institutes of Health Chronic Prostatitis Symptom Index (NIH-CPSI), which assigns scores for pain, urinary function, and quality of life. The men were tracked for 24 weeks after the eight weeks of treatment sessions.

By week eight, just over 60% of men in the acupuncture group were reporting significant symptom improvements (with the exception of sexual dysfunction), compared to 37% of the sham-treated men. Importantly, these differences were little changed by week 32, indicating that the benefits of acupuncture were holding steady months after the treatments were initiated.

Precisely how acupuncture relieves prostatitis symptoms is unclear. The authors of the study point to several possibilities, including that stimulation at acupoints promotes the release of naturally occurring opioid-like chemicals (enkephalins, endorphins, and dynorphins) with pain-killing properties. Acupuncture may also have anti-inflammatory effects, and the experience of being treated can also have psychological benefits that result in symptom improvements, the authors speculated.

“The research on prostatitis CPPS has been very sparse and scarce, and often with disappointing results, so this article from practitioners who are also experts in acupuncture is very welcome,” said Dr. Marc Garnick, the Gorman Brothers Professor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School and Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, editor of the Harvard Health Publishing Annual Report on Prostate Diseases, and editor in chief of HarvardProstateKnowledge.org. “The possible causes of prostatitis are many and not fully understood. Furthermore, we do not fully understand how and why interventions that may occasionally aid in relieving troublesome symptoms work. If one is to avail themselves of acupuncture, my advice is to make certain that the acupuncturist that you select is well trained and qualified to perform this potentially important intervention.”

So many physical abilities decline with normal aging, including strength, swiftness, and stamina. In addition to these muscle-related declines, there are also changes that occur in coordinating the movements of the body. Together, these changes mean that as you age, you may not be able to perform activities such as running to catch a bus, walking around the garden, carrying groceries into the house, keeping your balance on a slippery surface, or playing catch with your grandchildren as well as you used to. But do these activities have to deteriorate? Let’s look at why these declines happen — and what you can do to actually improve your strength and coordination.

Changes in strength

Changes in strength, swiftness, and stamina with age are all associated with decreasing muscle mass. Although there is not much decline in your muscles between ages 20 and 40, after age 40 there can be a decline of 1% to 2% per year in lean body mass and 1.5% to 5% per year in strength.

The loss of muscle mass is related to both a reduced number of muscle fibers and a reduction in fiber size. If the fibers become too small, they die. Fast-twitch muscle fibers shrink and die more rapidly than others, leading to a loss of muscle speed. In addition, the capacity for muscles to undergo repair also diminishes with age. One cause of these changes is decline in muscle-building hormones and growth factors including testosterone, estrogen, dehydroepiandrosterone (better known as DHEA), growth hormone, and insulin-like growth factor.

Changes in coordination

Changes in coordination are less related to muscles and more related to the brain and nervous system. Multiple brain centers need to be, well, coordinated to allow you to do everything from hitting a golf ball to keeping a coffee cup steady as you walk across a room. This means that the wiring of the brain, the so-called white matter that connects the different brain regions, is crucial.

Unfortunately, most people in our society over age 60 who eat a western diet and don’t get enough exercise have some tiny "ministrokes" (also called microvascular or small vessel disease) in their white matter. Although the strokes are so small that they are not noticeable when they occur, they can disrupt the connections between important brain coordination centers such as the frontal lobe (which directs movements) and the cerebellum (which provides on-the-fly corrections to those movements as needed).

In addition, losing dopamine-producing cells is common as you get older, which can slow down your movements and reduce your coordination, so even if you don’t develop Parkinson’s disease, many people develop some of the abnormalities in movement seen in Parkinson's.

Lastly, changes in vision — the "eye" side of hand-eye coordination — are also important. Eye diseases are much more common in older adults, including cataracts, glaucoma, and macular degeneration. In addition, mild difficulty seeing can be the first sign of cognitive disorders of aging, including Lewy body disease and Alzheimer’s.

How to improve your strength and coordination

It turns out that one of the most important causes of reduced strength and coordination with aging is simply reduced levels of physical activity. There is a myth in our society that it is fine to do progressively less exercise the older you get. The truth is just the opposite! As you age, it becomes more important to exercise regularly — perhaps even increasing the amount of time you spend exercising to compensate for bodily changes in hormones and other factors that you cannot control. The good news is that participating in exercises to improve strength and coordination can help people of any age. (Note, however, that you may need to be more careful with your exercise activities as you age to prevent injuries. If you’re not sure what the best types of exercises are for you, ask your doctor or a physical therapist.)

Here are some things you can do to improve your strength and coordination, whether you are 18 or 88 years old:

• Participate in aerobic exercise such as brisk walking, jogging, biking, swimming, or aerobic classes at least 30 minutes per day, five days per week.
• Participate in exercise that helps with strength, balance, and flexibility at least two hours per week, such as yoga, tai chi, Pilates, and isometric weightlifting.
• Practice sports that you want to improve at, such as golf, tennis, and basketball.
• Take advantage of lessons from teachers and advice from coaches and trainers to improve your exercise skills.
• Work with your doctor to treat diseases that can interfere with your ability to exercise, including orthopedic injuries, cataracts and other eye problems, and Parkinson’s and other movement disorders.
• Fuel your brain and muscles with a Mediterranean menu of foods including fish, olive oil, avocados, fruits, vegetables, nuts, beans, whole grains, and poultry. Eat other foods sparingly.
• Sleep well — you can actually improve your skills overnight while you are sleeping.

For decades, in vitro fertilization (IVF) has enabled countless people to have children, often after years of disappointment. It’s a complex process, medically and emotionally. Those embarking on an IVF cycle are often laser-focused on the baby they long for. Most hope a cycle will yield several embryos, because it frequently takes more than one embryo transfer to achieve a successful full-term pregnancy.

Any remaining embryos may offer the hope of future pregnancies and additional children. Yet remaining embryos also bring difficult decisions to the fore — if not immediately, then in subsequent years. The decisions one person, or a couple, makes might be divided into five paths. One path — donating embryos to another person or couple hoping for children — carries with it many questions. This path, and those questions, are the subject of this post.

A decision pathway for people who became parents through IVF

If you became a parent through IVF and have remaining embryos, you are not alone. Estimates vary on the number of cryopreserved embryos in the United States, but it’s likely to be in the hundreds of thousands.

You may be among the many people or couples who plan to use their embryos, or among those whose family feels complete. And you may be starting to figure out what to do with your embryos, or you may be putting the decision on hold, paying for annual embryo storage and feeling no urgency to make a decision, since embryos can remain safely frozen for many years. Having “extras” in deep freeze may offer comfort, kind of a psychological insurance policy after years of disappointment and loss.

Sooner or later, though, most people find themselves at a decision point, considering these options:

• You can discard your remaining embryos. This may feel harder than you anticipated but absolutely doable. You see these embryos as part of the IVF process that enabled you to have your cherished child or children. The word “discard” sounds harsh, but you are not prepared to parent another child and do not see donating them to others as an option.
• You can decide to have an additional child. A larger family wasn’t what you’d planned on or hoped for, but you see extra embryos as part of IVF, and a new child as meant to be. You look at the family you have and decide it is worth undergoing at least one more embryo transfer before making a final decision to discard.
• You can decide to donate your embryos to science. Unfortunately, if you begin to explore this, you’ll discover there is no easy route for it. Perhaps you will choose to explore other possible pathways, or decide to focus on one of the other options.
• You can donate your embryos to another person or couple. For some, this feels natural: you have been given the gift of children and you want to pay it forward to others longing for pregnancy and parenthood. However, for many the decision to donate does not feel easy or natural. Rather, it poses a huge dilemma: you want to honor the embryos and offer them a chance at life, but you have unsettled feelings when you think of your genetic offspring being raised by another family.
• Not to decide is to decide. In listing options, it is important to acknowledge that some of your fellow IVF parents are deciding not to decide. They are among the many who have “abandoned” their embryos (the term clinics use for families that avoid contact). They stop paying their storage fees; they fail to respond to outreach calls and letters.

What questions arise if you choose to donate embryos to another family?

Writing in TheNew York Times about facing her own decision about unused embryos, author Anna Hecker said, “For me this far surpasses discomfort. I see it as a life-or-death decision, which makes it nearly impossible to make.”Having worked with couples making this decision, I can attest that this sense of the “nearly impossible” passes over time, as people grapple with their choice and come to a place of clarity and peace.

Below are some — though not all — questions you are likely to confront as you think about donating embryos. If you are part of a couple, you can sort through these questions with your partner. (If you are single, the decision is yours to make.)

• How would we feel about another family raising a child created with our genes?
• Would it feel okay if we knew the family we donate to, or could that make it harder, seeing what might have been our child growing up with others as parents?
• Is this fair to the children involved? How will our children feel knowing they have full genetic siblings in another family? What will they make of the fact that it was the random choice of an embryologist who determined which embryo would land in our family and which in another?
• How will children who come from our donation feel? Will they feel displaced, like they landed in the wrong family? Will they, perhaps, feel a bit like a science-fiction project?
• How will we feel about possible challenges in the future: our child gets sick, the family we donate to gets divorced, we fervently disagree with the parenting style and values of the other family?
• If we decide to donate, how should we go about finding a family? Does geography or demographics matter — for example, will it feel good or more complicated to have them nearby? Should we donate to a same-sex couple, an older single woman, or others?
• Do we want to tell family members and friends of our decision to donate our embryos? If so, how much do we share of this information?
• If there are several embryos, do we donate all to the same family or divide them? For those who feel strongly about not wanting to discard embryos, it may be important to ensure that none are discarded when the receiving family feels complete.
• If our embryos were created with the help of donor eggs and/or sperm, should we seek permission or approval from the donor? How do we go about this if we do not have access to the donor?

These questions are complicated, best made over time and with care. While you may want to make the decision soon so that you can feel closure and move on as a family, I have found this is one instance in life when moving slowly, visiting and revisiting a decision, accepting doubt and the need to take pauses, all contribute to you eventually feeling the rightness of your decision.

Have family or friends in assisted living facilities? Finding the right gift can be complicated. Health issues may rule out some gifts: cross off sweets or chocolates for those who need to keep blood sugar under control. There isn’t much space for extra belongings in the apartment or room. In some cases, your giftee’s physical or mental capabilities (or both) are declining.

"Any gift you give will probably be appreciated," says Dr. Suzanne Salamon, associate chief of gerontology at Harvard-affiliated Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center. "But it helps if it’s something the person can really use and will enjoy. Tailor it to their particular ailments, needs, and interests." Below is a roundup that can help you select a great gift for the holidays — or any other occasion.

Gifts for social engagement

"Many people feel lonely and isolated in assisted living facilities. Keeping loved ones socially connected combats that, and also helps ward off chronic disease and cognitive decline," Salamon notes. Gifts that may fit the bill include:

• A simple phone. The easier a phone is to operate, the more likely your loved one will be able to use it. That could be a landline phone with large, easy-to-read numbers ($25 and up), a flip phone ($35 and up), or a smartphone with few buttons and apps ($50 and up). Remember that cell phones come with monthly service costs; prices depend on the carrier.
• A smart speaker. If phone use is too hard for your loved one, consider a smart speaker ($20 and up) that can be programmed to dial important numbers (like yours). Commands can be said aloud at any time to make a call. Check if your loved has internet service, which is needed for smart speaker use.
• A photo book. A loose-leaf photo album (less than $20) or easily created photo book ($10 and more) with recent photos of family and friends may be a warm reminder of connections, or can be a gift to share with others in the assisted living facility. That social interaction is important for health. Plus, it will make the person feel good to see all of those photos of people who love them.

Gifts to aid independence

Health problems can make simple activities challenging. These gifts can give your loved one a little independence.

• Adaptive tools. Your loved one may be able to take back some control of dressing with a long-handled shoehorn, a button hook, or a zipper pull (less than $10 each).
• A magnifying glass. Especially handy for those with impaired vision (and who hasn’t misplaced reading glasses?), having a magnifying glass ($5 and up) is handy for reading or seeing small objects. For a nice upgrade, make it a lighted magnifying glass ($15).
• Handwriting aids. Hand arthritis or neurodegenerative conditions (such as Parkinson’s disease) make writing difficult. Ergonomically-shaped adaptive pens ($10 and up) can help your loved one jot down information or thoughts.

Gifts for sharper thinking skills

"Challenging your brain or learning new information promotes new brain cell connections, which help protect and maintain cognition," Dr. Salamon says. Give your loved one something that will make the process easy and fun, such as the following:

• A daily trivia calendar. (About $15)
• Large-print nonfiction or fiction books. ($5 and up). Audio selections are enjoyable, too.
• Large-print books of brain games and puzzles. ($5 and up)
• A print subscription to a health publication, such as the Harvard Health Letter ($24).

Gifts to ease health issues

A well-chosen gift can bring comfort and help ease health issues. Try addressing someone’s aches and pains with gifts such as:

• A microwavable heat wrap ($15 and up).
• A handheld massager ($5 and up).

Or you could address circulatory problems that make people feel cold or increase the risk for blood clots in the legs. Ideas include:

• A soft fleece blanket ($10 and up).
• Warm slippers with slip-resistant soles ($20 and up).
• Brightly patterned compression stockings with fun designs ($15 and up). Be sure to check the size so they aren’t too small for your loved one.

Gifts to track health

Even though assisted living facility staffers monitor residents’ health, your loved one may find it useful to have one of the following gifts:

• A blood pressure monitor ($30 and up). Look for one with a cuff that goes around the upper arm; inflates automatically; has a lighted background with large numbers; and is certified by the Association for the Advancement of Medical Instrumentation, the British Hypertension Society, or the European Society of Hypertension.
• A digital "stick" thermometer ($10 and up). The right one will be large and easy to hold, with a lighted background and large numbers.

Not quite right?

Keep thinking. A nice, warm fleece sweater ($20 and up)? Extra reading glasses to place in favorite nooks ($15 and up)? If none of these ideas is right, consider giving a healthy treat. A great choice right now is fresh citrus (send a box for $30 and up). "Avoid grapefruit, which can interfere with certain medications," Dr. Salamon advises, "but oranges or tangerines are sweet and rich in vitamin C, which supports a healthy immune system. And that’s a great gift."

It’s winter, as a glance outside your window may tell you. COVID-19 is circulating at record levels across much of the country. Keeping our immune systems healthy has taken on new importance, as many of us hope to ward off flu and winter colds as well as worrisome variants of the virus that causes COVID-19, whether Delta or Omicron.

Not surprisingly, marketers are taking advantage of our concerns. A whole cottage industry is devoted to chewables, pills, and powders that claim to “boost” or “support” your immune system. Some people even claim that healthy eating and vigorous workouts are all you truly need to avoid getting sick. But are any of these claims true?

The best strategies for staying healthy

I asked Michael Starnbach, professor of microbiology at Harvard Medical School, for his advice on steps that can help us stay in good health this winter.

“Vaccination, skepticism of any other products claiming immune benefits, and staying away from places without universal masking are the best strategies,” he says. Here’s why these approaches count.

Get vaccinated

When it comes to improving your immune response, getting the COVID vaccine and booster shot, along with other recommended vaccinations, is best. Think of vaccination as a cheat sheet for your immune system. When a viral invader makes its way into your body, your immune system prepares to fight. But first it has to figure out what’s attacking, which takes time — time that allows the virus to keep multiplying inside your body.

A vaccine introduces the immune system to the invader ahead of time and allows it to develop a battle plan. So when the virus does show up at the door, your immune system can react quickly, which may mean no symptoms, or at least preventing serious illness. A booster shot is a refresher course to keep those lessons fresh.

While it is possible to become infected even if you are vaccinated, your immune system is primed to clear the virus more rapidly, so the infection is far less likely be severe or life-threatening. “We should get all available vaccines and boosters so that if we do get infected, we have a better chance of having a mild case,” says Starnbach.

Be skeptical

Any number of vitamin formulations and probiotics claim to boost or support your immune system. And while there is a grain of truth to some of those claims, the big picture is that they often don’t work. For example, vitamins do help immune function, but really only in people who have a vitamin deficiency — not in an average, healthy adult.

Probiotics also hold promise. This mini-universe of organisms living in your gut called the microbiome does play an important role in immunity. But experts don’t know enough about that role to create a product that can manipulate the microbiome to enhance immunity. That may change over the next decade — but for now, view probiotic claims with a healthy dose of skepticism, says Starnbach.

Mask up

Ultimately, nothing is better at keeping you well than avoiding exposure to a virus altogether. Wearing a mask isn’t on anyone’s favorites list, but it can help reduce the risk of spreading COVID (and some other viruses) to people who are unvaccinated, including children who aren’t yet eligible for the shot, and people with immune system deficiencies who don’t get adequate protection from the vaccine, says Starnbach. Masks are most effective when everyone around you is wearing one. “We now know clearly that the best way to prevent the unvaccinated from becoming infected is by indoor mask mandates,” says Starnbach.

Practice good health habits

But what about exercise and good nutrition? Do they have a role in supporting your immune system?

The answer is yes. Strategies to improve your overall health are never wasted. Healthy people are more resistant to disease, and often fare better if they are infected. Good health habits can help your immune system operate at its peak. Exercise and good nutrition aren’t the only habits that can help. You should also try to get consistent, high-quality sleep and manage your stress level. Lack of sleep and chronic stress can impair immune function.

But if you hope to avoid COVID-19 and other viruses, these strategies should come in addition to — not as a substitute for — vaccination and other protective measures.

As a doctor, I am constantly advising my patients to prioritize their own mental and physical health. Get adequate sleep. Eat healthy. Learn how to say no so you don’t collapse from exhaustion. Love and care for yourself like you do others.

I talk the talk but don’t always walk the walk — even though I know, both intellectually and physically, that self-care is critical to my well-being. When I am run down, my MS symptoms cry out for attention: left leg weakness and numbness, subtle vertigo, a distinct buzzing in my brain like a relentless mosquito that won’t go away no matter how many times I twitch and shake my head. I have become frighteningly good at ignoring these symptoms, boxing them up and pushing them away. Often, I can muscle through; other times it just hurts.

Recently, a friend challenged me to think about my relationship with my illness, to describe MS as a character in my story. This was a useful exercise. I conjured up an image of a stern teacher. She is frighteningly blunt and lets me know, loud and clear, when I disappoint her. She can be mean and scary, and I don’t really like her. But I must admit she is usually right. Still, I often defiantly dismiss her, even when part of me knows this is not in my best interest.

This holiday season, I wanted to do better. I needed to do better. So, as Thanksgiving approached, as I prepared to host 16 family members, many for multiple days, I paused to ask myself, What does MS have to teach me about self-care? I don’t like having this disease, but I do. I can’t change my reality, so I might as well benefit from the lessons MS is forcing on me. I believe they are relevant to all of us, whether we live with chronic illness or not, so I’ll share them here.

The first steps: Listen and observe

When my MS symptoms flare, it’s a message that I am tired, overextended, and stressed. I need to rest. I don’t always listen right away, but eventually I am forced to, and when I listen, I feel better. All of us can benefit from slowing down and tuning in to our physical selves. What sensations are you experiencing in your body, and what does this tell you about your underlying feelings and state of mind? Yes, we should heed our thoughts, but tuning in to our bodies takes us deeper, to feelings that might be hidden, secrets we might not want to acknowledge, a physical truth. If you don’t have a chronic illness, the messages might be more subtle — a vague tightness in your chest, a quick catch in your breath, a barely noticeable tremor in your hands — but they exist, and they signal stress.

The science is clear: the body’s stress response — though potentially lifesaving in a true emergency, when “fight or flight” is essential to survival — can be toxic in our everyday lives. Stress triggers our sympathetic nervous system to kick into overdrive in response to a perceived threat, releasing hormones such as cortisol and inflammatory molecules that, when produced in excess, fuel disease. Conversely, we know that pausing to take notice and interrupting this negative cycle of stress is beneficial. It can be as simple as breathing deeply and counting to 10. Our bodies know what’s up and let us know when we need to take care of ourselves. We must pay attention.

You are not responsible for everyone and everything

The holidays, essentially from mid-November through the end of the year, are a stress test we create for ourselves. The land mines are everywhere: more food, more drinking, more family dynamics, more unfamiliar (or overly familiar) surroundings. Personally, with my overinflated sense of responsibility, I experience a kind of dizzying performance anxiety every holiday season. I believe it is my job to make sure everyone present has a positive experience. For better or worse, I am someone who notices and feels the personal and interpersonal dynamics in a room. I sense and absorb even the most subtle discomfort, frustration, anger, shame, and insecurity, alongside the more upbeat emotions. Importantly, I also I feel the need to step in and make things better, to prop everyone up. It’s exhausting. But MS reminds me of how absurd, and even egotistical, this is. In truth, I can’t possibly care for everyone. Neither can you.

It helps to check our automatic thoughts. More than once on Thanksgiving Day, as the busy kitchen buzzed with activity and conversation, I intentionally stepped back and watched, reminding myself that I didn’t have to hold the whole thing up. Even though I inevitably slipped back into hyper-responsibility mode, these moments of self-awareness impacted my behavior and the dynamic in the room.

It’s okay to say what you need

To take full responsibility for my own well-being, I need to speak honestly and act with integrity. This means asking for what I need, clearly and without apology. Historically, I have been terrible at this in my personal life, burying my own needs in the name of taking care of everyone else’s, even rejecting clear offers of help. “I’m good, I’ve got it,” I might say, while simultaneously feeling bitter and resentful for having to do it all myself. This lack of clarity isn’t fair to anyone. MS reminds me that I need to do better.

This year, when my guests asked me what they could bring, I took them at their word and made specific requests instead of assuring everyone that I had it covered. When my mother started banging around in the kitchen at 7 a.m. with her endearing but chaotic energy, asking for this and that pot and kitchen utensil so she could start cooking, I told her I needed to sit down and have a cup of coffee first. She would need to wait or find things herself. She was okay with that. Family dynamics can be entrenched and hard to change, but clear communication can set new ways of being into motion, one baby step at a time.

I still have a lot to learn, but I am making stuttering progress, learning to listen to my body and honor my needs while also caring for those I love, or at least trying. Undeniably, I experienced some post-Thanksgiving fatigue, exacerbated by my daughter’s early-morning hockey game the next day, requiring a 4:30 a.m. departure. I felt it in my body — the familiar leg weakness, vertigo, and brain cobwebs — and, completely uncharacteristically, I took a nap.